Monday, February 21, 2011

Bondage Couples Baby Shower

Over the past several years, my wife and I have been bombarded with invitations to friends and family members Baby Showers. Prior to that, was the wedding invitation era. Well, all those baby gifts add up and now it's finally time to, "Get ours!".

Babies are a time for celebration, right?! I've never felt that people were creative or fun enough when putting together a baby shower. They always seem to be on Sundays and the highlight would be a giant cake made of diapers. Now I understand that the baby momma can't drink alcohol, but does that mean that a baby shower has to be filled with cheesy generic games that someone found on babyshowere101.com, thebump.com or some other parenting magazine? Let's get our shit together people and take baby showers to the next level please. After all, it's a celebration of life, right?! Here is the first of my ideas for an entertaining and hilarious Baby Shower Theme Party:

Roger Moore as James Bond
Bondage Theme Baby Shower Party
Side note - While in college (10 years ago), others had moved on to Sony Playstation2 and XBox video game consoles. Instead, our college houses decided to embrace the Nintendo64 for one reason only, James Bond 007 and GoldenEye. A sophisticated shoot 'em up style game which allowed up to four players to play against each other at the same time. The bigger the television and louder the stereo, the better.

Instead of requiring multiple visits to Target, Babies R Us, etc. to search for that one gift still available on the pre-registered gift list, guests will just need to make a quick stop at the bank and possibly a stop at the costume store. Here are the requirements:

1. Come dressed as your favorite James Bond character. Ladies, this could get interesting.
2. There will be a sign-up sheet available for a James Bond video game tournament. $50 first prize.
3. The only gifts that guests are allowed to bring are Savings Bonds for the baby.
4. Food and drinks will be only the classiest of choices:

  • Casino Royal - Dry Martini (vodka martini - shaken, not stirred)
  • From Russia With Love - Raki
  • Goldfinger - Mint Julep
  • Thunderball - Rum Collins
  • On Her Majesty's Secret Service - beer!
  • Live and Let Die - Sazerac Cocktail
  • Die Another Day - Mojito
  • Champagne and Sparkling cider will also be available
    • Here's a great link to learn more about what James Bond drank.
This idea seemed much cooler when I first thought of it. Now, I'm questioning my thought process. As a backup, my other Baby Shower theme party is an Adult Diaper Party. Guests must arrive dressed in adult sized diapers and or onesies. We will be serving only the finest mashed pears, carrots, and peas. In addition, we will be featuring White Russians made with formula milk that everyone must drink out of a baby bottle. Yeah, this just got weird. Sorry for the visual. My next post will be better. Do you have any better ideas? Please share!

6 comments:

  1. hilarious! Though, you will love the boring shower when your wife comes home with a crap load of necessities and you don't have to drop hundreds at Babies R Us ;)

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  2. Point made. We're going to have at least 6 other baby showers like that, and your invited to every single one:)

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  3. Dear Donny,
    That could be the worst try at a "Bam" comment. What the hell does Jersey Shore have to do with babies?! I'll take your "Bam" and one up you with a Bam Bam and Pebbles theme party where we'll have stone throwing contests, barefoot races and drinks are served on the rocks. Oh, and gifts must be made of rocks (and by rocks, I mean diamonds). Thanks for playing.

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  4. Dear Logan,
    Bam Bam & Pebbles? James Bond? Ameteur. People don't want a cliche throwback to a has-been hero or a cute play on a childhood cartoon. People want to wake up the morning of your baby shower, and think one thing - GTL (Gym/Tan/Laundry for those of you who have been missing one this centuries greatest television masterpieces). Then they want to come to a baby shower where there are a room full of six pack abs and people who are DTF. That's right, DTF - at your baby shower! Barney Rubble & Pussy Galore won't rake in the masses like the The Situation and J-WOW look-a-likes. So when you're ready to get this party started, look no further than the hot mess that is Jersey Shore. PS. I'll bring the grenade horn. Oh - and you're right, Jersey Shore has nothing to do with babies, but neither does James Bond! Keep questioning that thought process broseph...

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  5. Yo! Hey there Mr. Donny. Sammi "Sweetheart" here! What? You didn't know that I was a huge Wonderful Whoopsie Fan? 4 Sho'! Thanks for the Jersey Shore plug, but I'm going to have to side with the writer of this blog here. I think his name is Logan? The Bond theme was tied back to the baby by the Savings "Bond" gift requirement. Unfortunately Donny, you failed to tie the Jersey Shore theme back into the baby. So, I'll give it shot.

    GTL Baby:
    1. Gym - All guests must arrive in their best Jersey Shore style "Gym" attire. Oh yeah. Men, rub yourself, and your hair, down with some BABY oil and ladies it's time to show off those hot bods (which are nothing compared to mine).
    2. Tan - All guests should bring organic "Tan" colored diapers as gifts for the baby and parents.
    3. Laundry - Guest may also bring extra "Laundry" (clothes) for the baby

    Some of that may have been a stretch, but at least I gave it a valiant effort! Tootles.

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