Friday, February 18, 2011

You'll Never Believe What Happened This Morning

This might be a little off the parenting subject, but, it's definitely in line with the whole "Surprise" theme! I'm willing to bet the bank that what happened to me this morning has never happened to anyone reading this blog. Read on.

7:43 AM - My wife had a breakfast meeting to go to, so I decided to lay in bed a little longer and catch up on some sleep (crazy late night of American Idol watching). All of the sudden, Christie (my pregnant wife), bursts through the door and hollers, "Logan!! The horses got out!".

Now, let me preface this quickly. We live within the city limits of Cincinnati, OH, yet we back up to a beautiful horse farm (36 acres, pond, polo field,'s badass). It's kind of like watching your nephews; you get the pleasure of having them, but not necessarily taking care of them. There is a simple pioneer fence separating our property from theirs. Typically there is anywhere from 2-6 horses roaming around, which we love petting and feeding (and it's always a treat when they try to eat your shirt).

Cut back to this morning...I reply "Okay". The horses are out all the time, it's kind of like Christie exclaiming, "The sky is blue!".

"No, the horses were in our front yard, and I tried to get them but they started running and now they are a street over!", says Christie.

"Awwe poop," I thought. It's on like Donkey Kong! I leaped out of bed and started to rush out of the house to save the horses, until I suddenly realized I was still in my sexy tighty whitey's. So, I hopped in my phone booth threw on some shorts, a sweatshirt and some running shoes then flew out the door.

After running down our street, I caught up to Christie who was in her car and we drove up the driveway of the horse farm. After notifying them that the horses were on the run, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Let me interject that I'm a self-proclaimed deer whisperer (ever since having a tramatic fatal incident with a doe 2 years ago). Well, deer are totally related in some way to horses I'm sure, and so the story continues...

Christie hands me 4 carrots (the only thing besides orange juice and beer that we have in our fridge) and I leap out of the moving car as I perform an amazing ninja-like tuck and roll. "Bye! I love you!!," I yell as I hobble down the street toward the horses (I hurt my ankle the night before trying to relive my glory days of soccer) which were now in another front yard. As soon as they saw me (and the carrots), they came walking toward me (and the carrots). The two horses approached and I gave them each a carrot. Just enough to make them want some more. As I coaxed them into following me, I began to hobble into an awkward jog back toward the horse farm driveway.

After a minute or two of heavy-mind speak and a good 'ol game of chase the carrot, I had the two horses safely back in their confined world of reality. With only a couple awesome piles of horse crap on some lawns to show for it, those four leg-ged friends definitely had their short time in heaven, and I had just   gotten the wake-up call that only John Wayne could dream about.

Thanks for reading! Can you top that craziness?

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